Separation Anxiety

Separation Anxiety (RACING THOUGHTS)


It was a bright sunny day. Oh, to be precise bright sunny Sunday morning and I was seamlessly flipping through the pages. The phone ringing to message alerts and the sounds of birds hitting my ears like a melodious song. Reluctantly, after a few moments of nagging, I woke up to move to the kitchen to bring myself a cup of hot coffee. Who doesn’t love coffee, after all? While making that coffee my eyes stuck to that window and that is when it turned all about me, my coffee, and the world.


With each sip of coffee and that cool breeze continuously hitting my hair, my eyes moved from and towards all I could see. Those beautiful tinder leaves fell as if it was their time to move. Just then I saw that bright yellow flower, to me, it just looked as if it just blossomed. Within a fraction of seconds, I saw a butterfly hopping from one flower to another, and just then my eyes moved to the arms of ants that were at the very end of my view. Knock, knock came a sound and it was me who did not realize it was not the doorbell but my own phone ringing. Racing back to my own thoughts and realizations, I silently moved back to the same place and the same action of me repeatedly flipping pages continued. 

  My silences started hitting me harder as if these walls were talking to me. The frames with those photos started shivering just like my own anxious racing thoughts. The phone kept ringing throughout my ears continuously. All I could be seen with were thoughts, what-ifs and what hows, and whens. To all this a sudden thought cropped me in, sadly or happily it is my last day here. Will my parents be able to survive the new city and new time was the first thought that came to me?
Just then I heard a barking sound and with teary eyes, I was left with only a thought: how will he stay, will they unfriend me, how will my days be, how will the moment be and all got messed up fast and slow. With anxious thoughts and a nervous breakdown the book just fell down the table, oh did you not know I was still flipping pages all through this. Was it an indication I was anxious of being separated or was I worried about being alone or was it fear of days ahead that looked too familiar yet new?
This sunny bright Sunday has now moved on. It is a working Monday morning but something looks to be unfamiliar. The faces and love faded away, the thoughts coming back and forth and now and now it's not the same me. That “I” that used to love being alone yet with people. Me that was all happy with and at work.
It is “me” that is more worried about where they are, what they might be feeling, and when they will be back together. It's finally me that fears separation and now admits its separation anxiety, that one big fear of being alone, “alone” only when it's meant to be called separation.